A few days ago, Basant She invited me to participate in a blogging event that she’s organising monthly called My Monthly Memories. You can check her entry for February: it’s very colourful, warm and full of loving thoughts.
Receiving the invitation made me really happy, but I had to ask myself: “what could I possibly write about?” So I quite obviously read the description Basant She wrote: “This event will consist of posts written about your overall month. You could write about something that has greatly affected you as a person, what you’ve learned from an experience, a goal you had set for the month, anything you want! You can get as creative as you want with it! The event is all about you and what you want to share monthly with your audience and for the future, yourself.”
Well… February has always been one of my favourite months – it’s been synonymous with new beginnings and revival for as far as I can remember, even though most people simply associate it with cold weather, Valentine’s Day and sometimes Pancake Day as well (that I surely do!). The month of February has been no different this year!
At the end of October, I started feeling very sick – I could not go to school for two months, and when I could finally return in early January, I was still feeling exhausted. I lost close to 13 kilos (about 28 lbs, and no, this is not an eating disorder aha) in the course of three months and even though I can’t say I am unhappy with my weight now, I have to get used to my new, slim body. It feels a little strange – eerie even – not recognizing your own reflection in the mirror, going into shops reaching for a US size 10 and ending up with a size 6 or 4, if not less, or realising you are amongst the most petite girls in the room when you used to be the chubby one.
It was not until February that I began to recover, both physically and mentally, and I have to admit that opening this blog was a great part of the recovery process. Being able to express my thoughts, share my poetry and art is really soothing – the time I spend writing posts is a time when I disconnect from school and daily concerns completely. I believe I could compare it to giving my soul a warm bath, but that’s maybe a little weird, hehe. I was afraid I would write a post or two and then just give it up altogether, but I’m actually proud with how consistent I have been so far. In parallel, I bought myself a brand new notebook I am currently using to journal and prepare my dissertation proposal. I keep it with me at all times so that I can write or draw whenever I feel the urge to.
Another wonderful memory from February was being offered brand new watercolour brushes for my birthday to complete the set of quality paints and paper my parents gave me as a present for Christmas. Painting transports me into another world; it compensates for my inability to speak when I am overwhelmed with emotion or ideas; it burns inside of me like the brightest star in my thought-galaxy, which is what I tried to capture in this piece.
I hope February is only the first of a series of wonderful months. I have chosen to let the light in and although some days will be easier than others, I want to strive because:
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”